Friday, January 11, 2013

Thanks, Liars

When I was pregnant with my third child, my intuition told me that I was carrying a boy. At 21 weeks along, my suspicions were confirmed: It's was a boy! My baby boy, Miles was born later that year on August 31. Yea!

Not yea, guys! Not! Yea!

All of you been there/done that moms who told me from week 22 until delivery, "Oh boys are SO much easier than girls!" - we're fighting now. That's your warning - you and me, we're fighting.

Boys are SO bad!  Had you valued this friendship you would've been honest and said, "Oh you're having a boy? Aw, sorry in advance for all of the trouble he's going to cause. Buy a bullhorn."

And before you can blame it on the Terrible Twos, no. Hold that thought because I have two daughters, and they were (in Mar's case, ARE) terrible at 4. Two was a breeze with the girls. I think with boys it should be something to describe an entire childhood. Something like... Terrible From 1 to 21. And destructive. And stubborn as hell.

Let's talk about all of the things he's done to turn my hair gray this week...
  • Miles tried to shave the puppy with electric clippers. I walked in to find him sitting on her, clippers buzzing away right above her shoulders. 
  • Miles mashed grapes into the carpet one day. Apples one day. Crackers one day. Cookies one day. You catch me? Kid likes to mash.
  • Miles doesn't hit when he's mad. He prefers to throw things at you and the little shit has a good aim. This week, he beaned Mia upside the head with a plastic Caillou doll and if memory serves, Boo got a Furby across the cheek.
  • Miles pours constantly and he's horrible at it. He really likes pour directly onto the floor. I really hate that - though not as much as I hate when he pours something directly into MY bed.
  • Miles colors on freaking everything. Using everything. Lipstick on the kitchen floor. Sharpie on the table. Tomato soup on the stack of mail. If it'll smear or make a mark, hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
As soon as I turn my back - BAM! - he's into something else and when I ask (like a dummy) "Who did this?!", and he says "Puppy!" See that? He even attempts to place the blame on an innocent bystander who can't even defend herself! 

Yes, because a wiener dog is fully capable of shoving a Matchbox car down the sink drain.

He made a Capri Sun geyser. Then proceeded to Hoover it off of the floor.
Needless to say, each time I catch him red-handed I threaten to cut his hair and he absolutely freaks out.  That haircut is definitely happening this weekend. I'm hoping for pictures, but I can't make any promises on actually getting any. It's really hard to hold a comb, scissors, and a squirming 2 year old all while taking photos.


And...the winner of the Sleek Glitz earring giveaway is... Sk8mom75! (I can't figure out how to screen shot on this laptop. Well, I can screen shot, but I can't figure out how to get to the paint program. I hate technology...)

Anywho...Congratulations to you comment #1! Please email me at to claim your prize!

Tomorrow will be my last Sleek Glitz giveaway for the week and it's an entire set! Happy Friday to ya!

(And, I tried to adjust the settings to leave comments. I heard a lot of you were having trouble getting your post to show up. Let me know if it's still being a pain and I'll cuss at it!)