Friday, August 1, 2014

Sincere Apologies, DQ Cashier

CASHIER: So I have one pork tenderloin combo with mushrooms and one Flamethrower cheeseburger combo with mushrooms, is that right?

ME: Yep!

CASHIER: Ok, your total will be $16.08. Is this going to be for here or to go?

ME: (while digging out my debit card) We're going to eat here.

At this point, the teenage cashier looks up and acknowledges Chris with a polite smile. Chris's response ruined the entire perfectly normal interaction...

CHRIS: (loudly as I'm paying for our lunch) Since you're buying me lunch, does that mean that I have to put out now tonight?

ME: (through clenched teeth) Oh. My. God. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

CHRIS: (to the cashier, complete with an awkward wave) Have a nice day!

Yes, young Dairy Queen cashier - that moment was completely mortifying for both of us, and yes, he's always that embarrassing. I'm really sorry, honey!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Dial 1-900-Linden

{This post is brought to you by Netflix. All words and opinions
 are mine and do not directly reflect those of my sponsor.}

Ugh... July has freaking flown by, right? It's definitely flown by - don't even question it!

I'm serious, we've been so busy this month and it's been fun busy (as opposed to our typical "Please, someone kill me" busy), but now the summer is winding down and we're gearing up for back to school. Actually, back to school for Mia and first year of school for Marlee! Yes, Sherwood citizens, you'll be blessed with a little gift who goes by the nickname of Ladybug. We're trying hard to convince her that it's a school rule that all students must wear pants while school is in session, but she thinks we're full of shit. I can hardly wait for our first call from the principal...

As the last few weeks of summer wind down, all I've been able to think about is this:



Yes, kids, Season 4 of The Killing begins 8/1 on Netflix! I'm going to binge on this SO.DAMN.HARD. I'm bursting with fruit flavor over the return of my show! 

These are my main questions:
  1. Is Linden going to recover from the finale of Season 3? I think she's going to be a basketcase.
  2. Is Holder going to be the 'normal' person in this crime-fighting duo? Frighteningly awesome! 
  3. Jack, do you even love us anymore, Little Man? I think no. You only love your dad now.
  4. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  5. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  6. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  7. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  8. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  9. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
  10. ARE THEY EVER GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
I'm a simple gal. Toss in a tortured romance and I'm hooked...

My schedule is pretty much booked up for the next week. If anyone needs me after 7PM any time between 8/1 and 8/8 - just don't bother. I'm busy!

And for those of you wondering what else we've been binging on lately:

  • Coke with the names on the side of the can. I never get cans that say Chris, but that's a good thing because I wouldn't share with him anyway.
  • Sherlock. My mind palace is a complete clusterfuck. As always.
  • Kazoozles. They're heaven. Of equal importance to me as my 3 sweet children.
  • The Wonder Years. I've said it a million times: Kevin & Winnie are the gold standard for true love!
  • French Lavender & Honey lotion and perfume from Bath & Body Works. Oddly smells like nectarines and not lavender. It's nice, not your typical old lady or dirty hippie lavender.
  • Hemlock Grove. Sure, it's super weird and it gave me nightmares, but it's one of those guilty pleasures you just can't quit cold turkey!
  • Instagram stalking. Have you ever seen Kelly Oxford's cats? Jessica Seinfeld's Rick Ross obsession? Or ANY post by Johnny Weir? This is my life and if being a creeper is wrong, I don't want to be right. (@jenpalis if you'd like to creep random pictures of Helga being ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE)
What are you binging on these days? Don't say ice cream or cocaine...those are both forbidden in this house.