Friday, June 21, 2013

National ASK Day Campaign

I've been invited to participate in a campaign through the Center to Prevent Youth Violence promoting National ASK Day.

ASK (Asking Saves Kids) Day, developed in partnership with the American Academy of Pediatrics, takes place on June 21st - the first official day of summer - and promotes gun safety in places where children play.

ASK encourages parents to inquire "Is there a gun where my child plays?", and as simple as the question seems, knowing the answer is so important when it comes to the safety of your child. As I've mentioned before, our family does not keep guns in the house but that's not to say that my children don't or won't be invited to play in a home where a gun is present. 

"At this important time of year, we urge every parent to make a point of asking if there is a firearm in the home where their children will be playing. And then tell a friend. Tell a neighbor. Too many kids are killed or injured every year because of unsafe access to guns. This is something very important every parent can do to keep their children safe this summer and the rest of the year... As parents, we think nothing of asking if there is a pet in someone's home if a child has allergies. We are aware of the dangers of pools when small children are around. But we almost never think to ask if there is a gun in the house and if it's secured." 
- Jennie Lintz, Deputy Director of the Center to Prevent Youth Violence (CPYV)

Today, I'm requesting that all High Heels & Dirty Dishes readers take part in CPYV's National ASK Day and ask these questions because ASKing Saves Kids: 

Is there a gun present where my child plays?

Is the gun secure and out of reach of my child?

Have I taught my child that guns are not toys?

For more information on the ASK campaign and the CPYV, please visit or check out the ASK Campaign on Facebook.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Hurts So Good, Right Babe

Chris has poison ivy on his man parts!

Weren't expecting to read that, were you? Well I didn't expect him to take a pic of my new (and clearly genius) use for the toothbrush holder the other night. 

Paybacks are hell, Palis! Remember that!

Now first off, I don't want you going around feeling sorry for him. The guy dry humps me every chance he gets and in all of our years together, having poison ivy downtown is the only thing that's prevented him from being SO INAPPROPRIATE!

Let's discuss his method of treatment for this ailment, shall we?

As we're getting ready for bed, he's telling me just how irritating the itch is - and graphically scratching. Me? I'm laughing because you guys, it's on his wiener! This is the stuff from movies and for me!

CHRIS: Stop laughing! This is really bad!

ME: I can't stop! I just can't because you deserve this, pervert!

CHRIS: Nobody deserves this!

ME: Have you even tried any medicine?

CHRIS: No. Well, Benedryl a few minutes ago. You're going to make fun of me, but I looked for home remedies online today and I found something that I could try...

ME: Is it gasoline? Are you pulling a Telly Miles?! Tell me it's gasoline! 

CHRIS: No... nail polish remover...

ME: (Hysterical laughter) DO IT! DO IT NOW!

Chris disappears and returns with the nail polish remover and a few cotton balls. Of course, I'm still laughing like crazy. He hasn't even 'treated' the area yet, and he's already wincing in pain.

CHRIS: Stop laughing! You're making me laugh and I'm going to spill this on the carpet!

ME: Ok, ok I'll stop...Puss! Just do it!

He dabs....


ME: (absolute hysterics again) Yessssss!

I asked him if I could take a picture of him and his medicine, but he told me absolutely not. To help you visualize this though: a grown man with about an inch of buttcrack showing, yelling in pain as he dabs his baby making parts with a poison-filled cotton ball! 

If this isn't a perfect marriage, I don't know what is.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Guest Post: Father's Day Gifts That Mom Will Actually Enjoy!

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret here: I thought last Sunday was Father's Day! I had to double check with my mom to make sure I hadn't been a complete a-hole by not wishing Chris a happy day before he left for work. 

Thankfully, I didn't screw it all up and it bought me another week to have the kiddos sign cards and pick up a new BBQ grill for the daddy at our house. I love when that happens. (PS the card's still unsigned and the grill still hasn't been purchased...)

Michelle from Skana, The Spa at Turning Stone Resort Casino, contacted me about doing a guest post suggesting gifts for Father's Day. The twist? All of her gift ideas are gifts that Mama benefits from too! High five!

Really though, doesn't Mom deserve a gift on Father's Day too? She's the one who ended up with stretch marks. That deserves two holidays in my book!

Father's Day Gifts That Are Also Great for Mom

Father's Day is only a few weeks after Mother's Day, but that doesn't mean this special day for him can't also be a special event for you. As a mother and devoted wife, you're what makes a father happy and secure. The best gift for him is one that he can share with you. Here are some ideas that are sure to please you both.

Fancy Dining

Are you tired of cooking at home night after night, going to the grocery store for ingredients and cleaning up all the dishes? Even though your husband loves your cooking and you love providing him a great meal, getting out and enjoying fine cuisine from a top-quality chef is a food experience that has no at-home counterpart. Let your husband enjoy a new experience while you relax away from the kitchen.

A Day at the Resort

A day out to a fancy resort is the perfect way to mix togetherness with some solitary relaxation. He can play a long round of golf and rake in the cash at the poker table while you luxuriate in a full treatment spa. At night, you can meet back up at a fancy restaurant and talk about all the fun you had that day. Book a room for the evening, and who knows what will happen.

Day with the Kids

A lot of dads don't get to spend enough time with their kids, and Father's Day is a great opportunity for your sons or daughters to spend the day out with their male role model. Whether it's go-carting, a state fair, playing baseball or going to the amusement park, your gift of a day out will give Dad much needed bonding time and you much needed relaxation.

Clothing Makeover

You've probably been eyeing a certain shirt or pair of pants at the store for some time that you thought would look great on your husband, but you hesitated to make the purchase. Father's Day is the perfect opportunity to clothe your man the way you want him. Perhaps get him that pink shirt you know would look great on him. He'll be happy to have a fresh pair of clothes, and you'll be thrilled to see him looking so good.

Michelle Pino has contributed this piece based on the knowledge she has learned while working as spa manager at Skana, one of New York’s finest spas. When Michelle isn’t working you will find her baking, crafting, reading a magazine or catching up on her favorite TV shows. If you have any questions or comments feel free to contact Michelle via email at

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

True Love Is...

You know how people say things like "If your friends told you to jump off of a bridge, would you do it?" You're like "No, no. That's just stupid. I wouldn't do that."

But then sometimes your friends suggest something and you're like "Hell yes! That's an AWESOME idea!"

"True love is turning your other half into a meme, just sayin'." - my friend Tonya.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Home Sweet (New) Home

We've been in the new house for a little over a week and I'm going to be totally honest with you guys - this place is absolutely rocking my socks off! Not that I wear socks, but I do like that expression so roll with it!

Out of everyone, Miles has adjusted with the least effort, followed by Mia with minimal issues, and Marlee being difficult to the end. That kid...

So I have this grand idea of doing a home tour once we get rooms decorated. I took pictures of all of the semi-empty rooms already so that we'd have 'before' photos. Hopefully, we'll do a reveal room by room as we get things finished, but realistically, we might not ever get it finished. I'm fanfreakingtastic at starting projects and not getting them 100% done.

If I never get it all finished, it's just one more high expectation with a low grade outcome that I can blame on Pinterest.

Who wants to see the new house? Damn right you do!

Living room with a bunch of empty boxes and a hot pink bean bag!

We ordered a kick ass living room set (love at first sight) but because these are the life and times of Chris and Jen Palis, they're out of stock and won't be here until the beginning of July.

The kitchen! OMG the kitchen... it is my favorite part of the house! Eventually we'd like to take down the paisley wallpaper and paint the cabinets, but we're not in a big rush yet. 

Oh, and that massive kitchen table? Custom built by hand by Chris's awesome dad, Tom. It's solid and had to be assembled on-site. I'm going to set it up real purty like and take some pics of it because I'm trying to convince him that he could make a living off of building custom wood pieces. This table is BEAUTIFUL!

Down the hallway we have Miles's room which is pretty much going to be bare for a while. Poor baby boy!

Next is a single shot of Mar & Miles's bathroom, which is also the 'guest bath'. I hate calling it a guest bath though because I feel like it sounds snobby. Guys, if you're a guest in our house, feel free to pee in any of the bathrooms. Which ever bathroom you're closest to, that's the guest bath.

Then is Marlee's room. We're going with several shades of pink, black, and white up in this mofo. I can say mofo when describing Mar's room because it's something that she'd probably say herself. You're laughing right now because you know it's true...

The master (view these pics and imagine some melody being played because it's heavenly)! This room is roughly the combined size of our living room, kitchen, and master at the old house. If my trick hip could handle cartwheels, there'd be enough space in here to do them!

Same with the en suite! Maestro! Cue the orchestra!

Downstairs we have the family room/play room. I'm being optimistic in hoping that we can contain the toy mess to one room. *Insert evil villain laugh here*

Mia's room will be done in various shades of lavender and purple with zebra and metallic accents. We're going for a grown up girly look here, friends. Sis is 8 years old and totally mature enough for a cool room! Do you see that trundle? We're ready for some major sleepovers now!

My big girl is also getting her own bathroom BECAUSE SHE'S THE OLDEST!!! Right now it's just a vanity and a toilet, but it's already got plumbing set up for a standing shower. We're hoping to get that in before school starts back up. The only downfall is that the laundry is also in her bathroom but she doesn't seem to mind.

Last but not least, the decks. Or, as the lovely Shauna Hasek has dubbed it - the deck and the party deck! Perfect for drinking coffee and reading magazines (maybe that's happened a lot already), but also perfect for a barbecue.

I promise that once we get a little more progress made, I'll post some more pictures. Hell, maybe even a how-to... maybe... see how I can promise, then be non-committal? Chris hates that about me.

G'night y'all!