Sunday, March 17, 2013

Un-Hipsters

The internet has a way of making me question my own coolness on a regular basis. Not in a competitive manner, or even an envious manner - but definitely in a 'am I too fucking old to get this, or what?' manner.

Chris and I have had many discussions on the following:

Fake glasses. It's just beyond my comprehension and to be honest, it gives me anxiety to imagine wearing them myself. If I even attempted, I figure this convo would definitely happen:
FRIEND: Jen! I had no idea you wore glasses!
ME: Um... These are fake. I just thought they'd make me look brainy...
FRIEND: Oh they DO! You look so smart!
ME: ... as opposed to my typical head-cocked look of confusion...

Selfies. How do people squeeze in 50 self portraits in a Walmart bathroom in under 10 minutes? I don't recall a time that I've ever had any thought in a public bathroom that didn't correlate to the transmission of Hepatitis. Plus, who wants 50 photos of yourself looking up and slightly to the right? Not me.

Harlem Shake. Is this supposed to be funny because it's chaotic or is it staged chaos and that's why it's funny? Or am I completely wrong and it's only funny because everyone uses the same props but in different scenarios? I felt the same confusion with Gangnam Style. Were people addicted to the dance or the song that nobody feels like translating? Or... was it Jackie Chan's husky brother that made the entire thing? Hmmm!

Skinny jeans for men. This is the one at the top of Chris's list. His reasoning:

  1. They're gay.
  2. How are they any different than tights?
  3. They're just really gay.
Personally, the only thing that I notice about a man in skinny jeans is whether his thighs are smaller than mine are. Nine times out of ten, they are.

Hashtags. Maybe I've done it a few times, just to try it out. It's not satisfying though, this hashtag thing. Is there a master list of hashtags that you're supposed to be going off of? Are you supposed to make one up and just go with it? Is it impolite to use someone else's hashtag? AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO READS HASHTAG AS HASHBROWN?

Fingernail art. One question: how do you not screw up when painting with your opposite hand? I'd have a rainbow clear up to my damn elbow. 

Dubstep. This is another on Chris's list. I actually responded with "What the hell is a dubstep?" He told me it's kind of like techno (which his lame ass loves, by the way), so yes, I agree with adding it to the list. I've always either been too old or not high enough to enjoy techno, and now, dubstep.

Texting abbreviations. Look, the only ones I know are OMG and LOL. Aside from that, I have to seriously think about what the abbreviation stands for. If I'm thinking more about what you're not saying than what you're trying to tell me, it's not worth it. (Unless it's WWMMD because what Macho Man would do is always worth it.)

Are we lame? Officially not cool?

Tell me something that totally baffles you and leaves you wondering if you're old!