I pick and choose which stories I read (I don't watch television news unless E! counts, and no, I don't actually count that as real news either), clicking the links that interest me and skipping the headlines that make me uneasy. As naive as it sounds, my mantra is that if the headline scares me then I'm better off not knowing the story in its entirety, and that by not knowing what happened, bad things that happen to other people will not happen to me.
Three of the biggest stories in the United States right now revolve around crimes committed against children. I have read the initial press on each of these stories, and regretted doing so immediately, therefor I chose not to read the millions of updated published seemingly by the hour. Reading the details of these crimes gave me nightmares.
(I would caution you against reading them as they really are horrifying.):
- LA Elementary School Teachers Abuse Students In Class - LA TIMES
- Josh Powell Kills Sons, Blows Up House - 911 Tapes Released - CNN
- Teen Gets Life Sentence For 'Thrill Kill' Murder of 9 Year Old - MSNBC
These kids were hurt by teachers, parents, and neighbors and for what reason? Because the perpetrators viewed their lives as disposable, something that you discard after it's served its purpose. Perpetrators who at one point were trusted, even admired by the little ones that threw them away. It simultaneously chills me to the bone and makes my blood boil.
Also, it puts me in an uneasy position, choosing between warning my babies about situations that put them in harm's way or keeping them innocent and unafraid of things that they're too young to understand.
A part of me thinks that the best plan of action is to uproot them from life as they know it and start over in the middle of nowhere, like pioneer life, or something similar. Homeschooling them on topics that I feel they should know about and leaving the rest out. Feeding them food that have touched no hands other than our own, grown from the soil at our feet. We would have no television, no internet, no radio. Our clothing would be hand-stitched, and our closest friends not related by blood would be the squirrels in the yard. Even as adults, they would not be permitted to leave the homestead.
The other part of me realizes that a move like that would be selfish because it's pretty much like starting our own little cult... (I'd like to add in here that I'm not trying to equate homeschooling, gardening, sewing, family time, disregard for technology, etc to being in a cult in any way. Only the parts about selective teaching based on personal interest/beliefs and never allowing them to leave the family.)
Maybe it's me coming to terms with the fact that as my children grow up, I can't always save them. They will meet people and have conversations or experiences that I may never know about. They will be hurt, afraid, embarrassed, vulnerable in many ways and I won't be there to protect them. I don't even want to think about those instances. It's more comfortable for me to believe that my kids will always do as I say, with those that I know and trust, and will never hurt for any reason.
I will say this though, Hell hath no fury like the mama whose baby has been intentionally harmed. We'll leave it at that and consider it a warning to any twisted individuals out there - remember those words.
If someone hurts one of my babies, maybe they'll quote that as the headline when I retaliate.
I'd love to know everyone else's thoughts on this topic:
Should we hold them back for their own safety and our own peace of mind? (Even though you're choosey about who your child spends time with, please remember that these parents at one point felt comfortable with the interactions too.)
OR
Do you let them experience life as an independent thinker making their own decisions , then dealing with issues as they arise? (Everything in moderation of course, I absolutely do not mean that you should or would allow your child free reign at all times - you're the parent, set your own boundaries.)
I'm pretty sure you know where I fall in this discussion. After all I seem to have traumatized you, in only a few areas. I always thought it was best to warn you of the dangers and still yet I guarded your innocence as closely as I could.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I do know is being a Mom is the hardest job on Earth. Each child is so different, and it seems what works for one, is the complete opposite for the other.
One thing is for sure, this World seems to just keep getting more cruel. It's heartbreaking! God have mercy on the soul of the individual who tries to harm one of my grandbabies. I'm old, sick & medicated!
No answer here. My 4 year old started school full-time this year and I'm miserable about it. Sure, he needs to learn to get along with a big group of peers, but every bone in my body wants to bring him back home, protect him, and home school him. It's not just adults- kids can be assholes too, and my son is very naive. I guess we all just do the best we can and try to find that balance- what else CAN we do, right?
ReplyDelete@Holly -
ReplyDeleteYou're right, you have traumatized us. Well, you and Katie Horner.
@CDNKARO -
ReplyDeleteI understand this completely! You know Mia is my eccentric child. She's got an amazing imagination yet she's really mature for her age. I'm not above snapping at kids who are rude to her because they can't relate. She is so sweet and genuinely innocent - it just breaks my heart to think that someone could intentionally hurt a little girl like Mia.
I just hate it that we even have to think about things like this. I don't think we need to be graphic with the kids, but I've been teaching them that no one has the right to touch their body anywhere, and if anyone ever tries, they are to tell me immediately. They know that they aren't supposed to talk to anyone they don't know if Mummy or Daddy aren't with them. They know they aren't to leave the house or go out of my sight at the park.
ReplyDeleteThings like that teenager killing the nine year old though... how do you protect your kid from that? They can't go through life not trusting anyone, that will make them into frightened, paranoid people who have trouble enjoying life. But sometimes it's the people you trust who hurt you most...
I wish that these things never happened anywhere, to anyone. We can't *really* protect them. All we can do is equip them the best we can and hope it doesn't happen to us.
I can totally relate. I have three boys, 10, 5 and 3. My 10 year old is ready for independence, and asks to go places on his own, but I don't feel ready. I don't feel he is ready. Letting go is the most difficult part of being a parent. If I am with them, then I can protect them, but when they are out in the world on their own, it freaks the heck out of me. At the sometime, if I can give them the tools they need to be safe, then I have done my job. I always tell them to trust their gut. If they feel creeped out then they need to trust that feeling and run, kick, scream, whatever they need to do to get away.
ReplyDelete