Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Perks of Sunday Funday With The Fam

I haven't written in a while because life has been pleasantly boring. I mean that sincerely, guys. Boring means no (ok, rarely) bleeding or screaming children, no crazy messy house, no random odd happenings in the neighborhood. Pleasantly boring. Ahhhhh!

A few fun facts you might enjoy:

  1. I'm missing 2 pizza cutters at the moment. 
  2. I'm also missing a pair of size 10 black suede wedge heels.
  3. These are of equal importance.
  4. I suspect Marlee as the culprit.
  5. Chris installed a new doorbell last night.
  6. No, he didn't electrocute himself OR ruin the entire system.
  7. Santa brought the kids Disney Infinity for the XBox 360 and they love it.
  8. I suck sooooo bad at Disney Infinity. Don't try to drive Mr. Incredible's car unless you want to embarrass yourself.
  9. We've been on a big HGTV kick lately and I want to go junking to find fabulous home decor items for this house that still seems bare. Suggestions?
  10. Miles had something on his foot earlier. It was brown. I asked him - half jokingly - if it was chocolate or poop. He's a boy, so he tasted it and then assured me that it was "Chok-it!". Thank God. I would've felt like a real jerk if it was poop.
Today, we had this grand idea that we'd take the kids out for a fun day at the mall. Seriously, going to the mall is a treat for our kiddos because the closest mall is about 45 miles away. It's an easy adventure but it costs a fortune by the time you get gas for the trip, lunch for 5 somewhere besides McDonald's, everything purchased at said mall, and snacks for the trip back home. 

Also? It's always one of those ideas that sounds like fun, but ends up making you wish for an early death or a shot of Thorazine at the very least.

After getting all 3 kids ready (20 minute search for Mia's black flats, 10 minutes of bargaining with Marlee to wear her polka dot leggings instead of too-short sweats, and the epic packing of Miles's Caillou backpack), and making a pit stop at the gas station, we hit the highway and headed for the city...

  • It was about 60 degrees today. Logically Chris opened the sunroof because 60 in January in Missouri is basically the same as 90. Heatwave y'all! Break out the flip flops!
  • On the drive, we impressed the kids with our completely rad dance moves to Usher, Ke$ha, and Nelly then totally blew their minds with an old school Peter Frampton number. Followed by Randy Travis and then The Who. Parents, if you want to raise well rounded children, make sure you expose them to all genres of music. I'm preaching, I know, but it's something I firmly believe in.
  • About 10 miles before we got to Independence, Miles announced that his tummy hurt. We contemplated going back home for fear that he'd barf all over Old Navy, but decided to take a risk and leave it up to chance.
  • Immediately after that I had the genius idea to stop at Cracker Barrel for lunch. This was followed by the following reactions: Chris - "Yeah that sounds good!", Mia -"Can we get the rootbeer in the glass bottles?", Marlee (full on melt down with real tears) - "BUT IIIIIIIIIII WANNA GO'YUH SUB-WAAAAAAY", and Miles whose tummy had hurt just moments before was now sound asleep.
  • That idea about going to Cracker Barrel? Half of Jackson County also had that idea. Missouri has a lot of geniuses apparently! We waited 35 minutes for a table which, in case you were wondering, is JUST enough time for all 3 kids to find toys they wanted in the country store and manhandle all of the candy, burst into tears when they were told we were buying lunch and not stuff, take group trips to the restroom and basically resent us until they each had a bottle of rootbeer in front of them.
  • During lunch, Marlee announced that she'd seen "a yady on da news and guess what her name was? JENNIFER COLE PALIS! She yooked jusssss yike you Mommy and she was doing da wev-ah. She said it was going to be 60 duh-gweez too!" I'm apparently the most accurate meteorologist in the KC metro, guys! You learn something new every day. Also, my middle name is Ann. Marlee's middle name is Cole, but she's convinced that everyone in our family has the same middle name.
  • Mia almost steamrolled an old man with a cane when we were leaving the restaurant. It could've been a disaster, but the fella was nimble even with his cane. Crisis averted!
  • We got to the mall and Miles had a meltdown over the magic stairs. Chris had to pick him up - kicking - and hold him the whole 45 seconds we were on the escalator. It. Was. Traumatic.
  • Old Navy was a cesspool. The place was filthy... I love Old Navy and about 80% of our family's wardrobe is purchased there but this is the first time I've been to any store other than the one in Lee's Summit in about 5 years. Yes, I still bought a ton of stuff, but I was cringing on the inside the entire time. This is why I shop online. Eew!
  • Next we went to Express to exchange a watch I bought Chris for Christmas. Raise your hand if you bought your husband a watch that doesn't work... No? Just me? Ugh... Also, they don't sell watches in the store at Independence. Merry Christmas, Baby! You're pretty stoked about the $25 gift card and the remaining credit put back on my MasterCard, aren't you?!
  • We took the kiddos to Claire's so that they could get something fun. Miles wanted a My Little Pony purse and a pair of white sunglasses. Chris vetoed both of his choices. He's no fun at all!
  • Next up, I ducked in to Forever 21 for the first time ever while Chris took the kids down to the indoor play area. People who shop at Forever 21, how the hell do you do that? It was over whelming and for every 5 shirts I initially thought were decent, 2 turned out to be sweaters on the front and sweat shirts on the back, 2 had cats or owls screen printed on them, and the last would be a rack of 15 all in size small. FML I think I dress alright. I'm kind of trendy sometimes. I just can't be the lady in a jeweled sweatshirt. It's not me. Apparently there's a contemporary section though and I wanted one of everything there, but again, I have giant boobs and I eat a lot of carbs, so I had to really search for a few mediums and a large jacket. 
  • Met up with the kids and Chris just in time for another Marlee meltdown because there's a GIANT FUCKING CAROUSEL in the middle of the mall and someone (Chris, definitely Chris) said that we weren't riding it today. And to top things off, Mia said she was ready to go home and didn't even want to play. Me too, Sis, me too. She's a smart kid! Miles decided to have a meltdown at that point too because he was having a blast in the play area. Sorry, pal!
"I don't know WHY you guys have'ta be SO MEAN! All da time! I juss wan'ned'a wide da wide!"
"I don't know why you are such a spoiled little girl..."
"I'm not spoiled. I'm just weewy sad at you for not yetting me do what I want."
"That's spoiled."
"I'M NOT SPOILED - YOU'RE SPOILED! YOU GET TO BE DA BOSS! BOSSY!"

It was a day of pure delight, our family excursion to the mall! Obviously...

We decided to cap it off with a trip to Sonic for shakes and Cokes. As a kid, when the whole family went somewhere together, my dad drove and Mom rode shotgun. Now that I'm an adult, I usually have Chris drive as well. It just seems 'right'.

The only problem with Chris's driving is, Chris's driving is terrible. Long story short, he came thiiiiisclose to knocking the side mirror off of the Mommobile as we pulled in to Sonic. Don't worry though, he made up for that close call by full on hitting the motherfucker as he backed out of our parking spot to leave. Bravo, Mr. Palis. You've really outdone yourself this time.

And that pretty much sums up my Sunday. Why am I a hermit on the weekends? Because nothing good can come from taking my family out in public.

Which is exactly why I'm scheduling family photos tomorrow. Glutton for punishment...