The girls are attending Vacation Bible School this week at one of the local churches.
Now wait, before you get all "That's a terrible idea, sending Marlee into a church..." on me, I'm going to tell you that she's actually really good when she's with anyone but me, Daddy, or Granny. You put her in a room filled with strangers and she's as sweet as can be. Stop rolling your eyes, I'm being serious!
We don't go to church very often and if memory serves me correctly, Marlee was about 2 the last time we took her. With that being said, I had to lay down some ground rules before I dropped the girls off for the first session last night:
- No talking about butts, va-jay-jays, or boobies!
- No showing your butts or boobies! (She alread knows better than to show her va-jay-jay.)
- No eating boogers!
- NO CUSSING!
These rules were strictly for Boo, not Mia. Big Sis equates breaking the rules with the end of the world. Mia, of course chimed in with a few of her own rules:
- No running in church!
- You have to share!
- No acting like a crazy person!
And then, right before we got there, I remembered a biggie:
ME: "Marlee, don't you DARE say 'Oh my God' while you're at Bible school!"
ME: "Because it offends people. Say 'Oh my goodness' instead."
MAR: "Der sure are a yot of woolz at church. Am I even allowed to yaff?"
So, we went in and got registered and 2 and a half hours later I picked up two little girls who'd had a wonderful night exploring faith and making new friends. They had a snack (cupcakes), learned some songs & dances, made crafts and just had a really good time.
Their excitement was contagious as I remembered being a little girl and enjoying VBS each summer. With everyone in such high spirits, I agreed when Marlee asked me if she could push the button on the garage door opener when we got home.
ME: "Miles can open it and you can close it after I turn off the car. Don't push it until Mommy shuts off the car though, ok?"
MAR: "Ok, Mommy!"
As we rounded the corner back to our house, I passed Miles the clicker and he pushed the center button to raise the door. Marlee, gleeful over her adventure and eager for her turn to push the button, decided she didn't want to wait for Miles to pass her the clicker. As soon as my front bumper nosed into the garage, she yanked the remote away from her brother.
And the garage door came down on the roof of the Mom-mobile...
ME: "GODDDD DAMMMMMN ITTTT MARLEE!"
MAR: "I'm sowwwy! I'm so sowwwy! Pyeez don't be mad at me!!!!"
I got out, checked for damage, found the garage door and my car to be in perfect condition. Then went over to calm down my hysterical kids and let them know that no one was in trouble.
ME: "Calm down, everything's fine! I'm sorry I got mad - it just scared me."
MAR: "I'm sowwwy Mommy! Weewy!"
ME: "It's ok, Ladybug. Don't worry about it. Nothing's broke."
MIA: "Mommy, you said not to say that. You shouldn't have said that."
ME: "Damn it?"
MIA: "No - God."
And once again, my own words come back to bite me in the ass...