Sunday, December 4, 2011

Ho Ho Holy Shit...

Before I go into the rundown of last night's visit from Santa, let's take a peek at the technology that makes tonight's post possible...

We don't eat in the kitchen anyway. Hence, my carpet is Dalmatian colored.
You might remember the laptop from this post. You might also remember that my husband actually sells computers for a living. How does this contraption work? Well, you take a laptop with a broken screen, hook it up to a separate flat screen monitor, then - here's where it gets good - you keep the laptop open and type on it and then the words will appear on the second monitor. Like something straight out of Star Trek, huh?

Anyway... 

We have an annual tradition of having Santa make an early visit to the kids. He does magic tricks and lets the kids help, then each child gets a turn to sit on his lap. Everyone gets to tell him what they would like for Christmas, and everyone gets one gift from the big guy. Santa then thanks everyone for being good boys and girls, and warns them that he's always watching and he hopes to see their names on the Nice list on December 24. It's a fabulously festive passive aggressive way of telling the kids to chill out for Dad and Mom or they won't get the good stuff.


Santa Saturday kicked off with my sister-in-law, Laura, being rushed to the emergency room with mystery internal pains. Not rushed as in taken by ambulance, but rushed as in my brother drove her there in a Ford Contour. Turns out, it was just a kidney infection and once she had a few pain pills in her system, she couldn't feel the outside of her body, let alone her kidneys. Fa la la la la, la vi-co-din!

Granny and Papa went over extra early to sit with the kids, and make the $75.00 worth of pizzas purchased for the night.

LADY @ PIZZA PLACE: I always forget your name...
ME: Jennifer
LADY: Jennifer, that's right! You're in here every week and you buy at least 4 pizzas every time. You know that you can call your order in ahead of time, right?
ME: Yep.  I always remember that when I'm standing in line.
LADY: uncomfortable laughter

Back to the story. Sorry!

To help out with the kids, I went over early too with Marlee and Miles. Chris would be there when he got off of work and Mia was coming with her dad at 7PM to get dressed up.

What happened between supper and Santa? Behold, holiday hijinks:
  • I became the juicebox police. "NO! There's only enough for each of you to have 2 juices. Nah! You've already had 2! Put it back and I'll get you some water!"
  • PaPa cussed the TV because he couldn't find the remote and the channel was set to Disney.
  • 2 kids fist fought over whose turn it was to play with Batman, and who got Joker.
  • Marlee ate half a bag of lemon cough drops - the Halls kind. Yum!
  • Got to hold down my 2 year old nephew so that I could wash the pizza from his face and hands. He proceeded to scream bloody murder because I'm probably the meanest aunt in the world, and baby wipes are like sandpaper to the skin...
  • The dog sat in the front yard the entire night howling and yelping because he wanted inside. If the dog were a man, I would've punched him. I love the idea of a dog, but in real life, I hate them because they're almost always buttholes.
  • Talked to Mia's dad at 6:45 to make sure that they'd be there by 7 and wouldn't be late. They were taking family pics in front of their tree. He assured me that they were almost done and would be there on time.
  • Chris arrived, just as PaPa realized that the porch light wasn't working. "Well God damn...Pitch black out here. Someone's gonna fall down these steps and kill themselves." Thankfully, it was just a burned out bulb and there was no need to cut a hole in the side of Jimmy & Laura's house.
  • Mia's dad pulled up around 7:15 - just as Granny was heading across the street to wait for Santa to pull up in his 'sleigh'. From what I'm told, an ass-chewing was dealt out by Granny to Uncle TyTy, and vice-versa over being late. Once inside, tensions were running high, so it was mutually agreed upon that Mia would stay with us and see Santa and I'd run her back over to them later. I've said it once, I'll say it a million times, it's not a family gathering unless someone leaves pissed off.
  • Jimmy and Laura walked in just in time to give hugs before Santa showed up. Laura: "I had pain pills so I don't hurt anymore. P.S. I'm high as a kite...Can we move a bench in here to sit on now?"
Then...Santa walked in. It. Was. Great. That jolly old elf really has a way of boosting everyone's spirits - young and old, and all of the frustrations of the day simply vanished. 


I don't remember what gift each of the kids specifically asked Santa Claus to bring them. I do know that Marlee and Jonis were slightly astonished when they opened their gifts and found Doodle Bears instead of a peacock and blue Batman. When all else fails, give a toddler markers. Works every time.

No description necessary. Adorable!



Miles liked Santa's jingle belt

Have you ever made Tootsie Rolls using Tupperware, a coffee table, and magic?
Big kids = trying to figure out HOW he does it
Before Santa came, it was unanimously decided that this would be the last year for this tradition. Once he left, plans were already in motion for next year. 

Christmas magic, Christmas magic, Christmas magic!