Thursday, March 1, 2012

One Man's Trash

It seems the girls need a new dresser.

We call it a dresser. He calls it 'dis', which obviously translates to 'fort' in this case.
We bought this one a few years ago at Wal-Mart because it was cheap. As you can tell, cheap doesn't last long - or maybe cheap lasts longer when the item is in a home where there are no children. 

Chris and I decided that we'd start looking for the perfect old dresser to replace the junker they currently (can't) use. When I say old, I really mean used and when I say perfect, I really mean equal parts sturdy and cheap. Let's be honest; the damn thing's going to be covered in Dora stickers and ketchup by May. Mama ain't spendin' the college fund on a dresser.

Like any bargain hunters, we decided that the best place to look would be the local indoor flea market. I stopped in today on my lunch hour and while I didn't find the perfect dresser, I'm happy to report that the booths were filled with other interesting treasures.

Because I love you, I was thoughtful enough to document the adventure using the shitty camera on my phone. You'll likely pleased to see that I've found something for everyone today. Don't thank me, really, thank the people selling these fabulous items.
 
Is $15 on the high or low end of the smoking collectibles scale?
This item is marketed as an ashtray. I don't know how hot the market is on ashtrays these days, but this looks like one to add to your collection if a) you collect ashtrays or b) you collect ashtrays made from steer horns.

Pretty sure that middle baby is alien spawn. Look at the dome on her!
What would a trip to the flea market be without an overwhelming selection of creepy ass dolls? Am I right or am I right? Also, my girls would love these hideous babies. I'm raising them to love based on inner beauty rather than outward appearances. Mom point!

Booth owner: Chuck Testa? Nope!
This is possibly my favorite booth in the entire place: a hunter's paradise. I don't hunt because, well, eew, but the theme is solid. Were you Davey Crockett in a past life? This could all be yours for a small (or large, I don't know, dead animals creep me out so I didn't get close enough to check the prices) price.

'The activity and excitement of an actual big game hunt!'
As if the thought of killing your next meal (or new rug, whatevz) wasn't enough of an adrenaline rush... Maestro: mood music, please!

Sheet folder in sturdy blue steel - complete with 1960s instructions for folks who've never folded sheets before.
Moms, are you tired of the hassle that comes with folding those pesky flat sheets? Frustrated that your edges never quite match up as perfectly as you'd like? Do you wish that there was some way to make this difficult job easier? Wish no more girls. *DISCLAIMER - Dads, under no circumstances are you allowed to buy this for your lady. Those found in violation will be kicked in the balls and rendered useless.*

'Tool - Man' autograph for $15? Steal! I loved him in The Santa Clause


Sorry Baby Boomers - you're living in a world where a Tool-Man sig is worth more than an Elvis sig
Who has two thumbs and loves celebrity memorabilia? Me! Sadly, I passed on the offered selection though. Something seemed unauthentic about these. Maybe it was the prices?

"I'll give you $5 for the both of 'em and not a penny more! Ok, yeah, I'll give you $7 for the Tim Allen. Hoah hoah hoah - yeah I love him too!"

How cool would it be to have a vending machine in your own house?
With a price tag of $TOOMUCH, I didn't bring this bad boy home with me today. I really would love to set it up in the kitchen, filled with Twinkies and Zingers FOR MYSELF! Or maybe I could fill it with healthier snacks for the kids. You know, to steal their Tooth Fairy money from them like any loving parent would do.

Booze Bottle Lamp Bases = coming to a frat house near you
This is the perfect gift for that eternal bachelor in your life. Tacky, but still functional, with a full bar to choose from for those binge drinkers who refuse to drink/illuminate a room with anything other than their preferred brand.

My parents had a record player once...until my brother and I played a banana on it...
Got an aspiring DJ in the neighborhood? Let him know that this place is having a big sale on obsolete sound equipment. Sure, most of it probably doesn't work, but then you also don't have to feel like you're living in an episode of The Jersey Shore either. For that, you can thank me!

Mrs. D, even if you steal one of these cats from me, I'll have a spare!
Calling all Crazy Cat Ladies!!!! Apparently feline statuary is always sold in pairs...

This was entirely too amusing to do alone. Fingers crossed that I can get my brother to come along next week to peruse the new inventory. Also, fingers crossed that it doesn't reek of poop and sandalwood incense next time.