Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Making The Most Of It

Random bits of awesome convo sprinkled throughout this fine Tuesday:

During the tornado drill that went down at work at the crack of 7:30AM:
COWORKER 1: Um, there's no lights in the basement?
COWORKER 2: They're broke. Let's say we're being realistic here.
ME: Could be worse - a few years ago, someone barfed during the tornado drill...

I assumed my brother wasn't working today because he's been sick:
JIMMY: Pick me up please
ME: Didn't think toooo err coming here spotify
Here's an idea, remove the touch screen phone from your purse before texting. Or, you know, look like an idiot when Swype makes you sound like a morning drunk.

Greeting some of the employees when they arrived this morning:
EMPLOYEE: If I win the lottery, will you help me spend my money?
ME: I like the way you think, bud!
EMPLOYEE: You only live once right, you can't live twice!
This completely made my day! Optimism at its finest!

In an email I sent out this morning:
ME: PC's got Manwich on sale $5 for 10.
Pretty typical email from me. I like to think people enjoy finding them in their inbox.

A coworker showed me the photos from her daughters recent maternity shoot:
ME: She's so pretty!
COWORKER: Thank you!
ME: I wish I'd done something like that when I was pregnant with Mia - before I got all stretch marked...
COWORKER: Hehehe...Look how good this one is!
Her daughter is a model and she's insanely gorgeous. This kid is going to be adorable!

Random text from the hubs:
CHRIS: Just heard that Sting song you like.
ME: Zip it dickhole!
Maybe he does sound a little like Sting but I don't care - this song rocks my socks off.

Overheard at my favorite Chinese place while waiting for my takeout:
THE SITUATION: You ladies cool with the SyFy channel?
ME: *agreeable nod of the head*
OLD LADY 1: I think the news is on right now.
THE SITUATION: Oh, uh...ok. Hey what channel would I find that on?
OLD LADY 2: Try CNN. It's the one ... CNN.
THE SITUATION: Gotcha
The situation is a douchey white boy who runs the cash register. He is, in a single word, rad. The epitome of middle class Caucasian wishing to wake up as a Jersey Shore cast member. We're BFFs kind of.

My fortune cookie:
Pretty sure this means celebrity gossip and YouTube are good for the soul

I got to order party favors for an event today:
COWORKER: Hey lady, whatcha doin?
ME: Ordering 17 dozen bandanas
COWORKER: What the fuck do we need 17 dozen bandanas for?
I love her! She calls me lady, and cusses just as much as I do. Awesome sauce, all the way!

During a meeting today, someone pulled up a video as a suggestion for the Wild West party we're planning:
COWORKER 1: I'll bet we could get them to help us out.
COWORKER 2: How cool is that?! It's like 'Glee'!
ME: ...I wanna dance like that...
GIRL NEXT TO ME: *shakes head silently, like I'm inappropriate*

My brother, talking to the director of our company as I'm in the office across the hall:
JIMMY: Oh, Jennifer Palis? She's a real pain in the ass... 

Talking to Granny on my way home after washing my car:
ME: Sonofabitch!
GRANNY: What? What's wrong?!
ME: Just washed my damn car, and these clowns at the liquor store have a gravel parking lot so their gravel dust is blowing all over my clean car as I drive past.
GRANNY: *amused snort*
ME: I'm turning into Dad, aren't I?
GRANNY: Yep!

My oldest, telling me about her day at school:
MIA: Oh it was a great day at school! Well, no it wasn't really that great. I had to walk laps during all of my recess.
ME: Did the whole class walk?
MIA: Yeah. They're really bad sometimes.

Chris upon coming home from the park with all of the kids:
ME: Did you have fun?
CHRIS: Yeah, did you? What'd you do since you had the whole house to yourself?
ME: Pooped, ate popcorn, and watched this show on treasure hunters who use metal detectors.
CHRIS: Are you serious?
ME: 100%

The hubs, after returning from the Mexican restaurant with my supper that had been left out of the first order:
ME: Was it ready, or did they forget to make it all together. What about the tortillas?
CHRIS: It's freshly made, and no, I didn't check your tortillas. The bag was tied shut when they brought it out and it would've been a real dick move to untie it and check. 
ME: Ugh!
No balls, sometimes. I swear!

On this message board for crazy mommies like myself:
POSTER 1: I'll bet it has tentacles! *runs and hides*
POSTER 2: I bet she has a tremendous bush...
POSTER 2: (and crabs)
Ooooh I love this group and all of the sassy commentary!!!

Getting ready for bed:
MIA: And now, for my next trick I'll pull a toddler out of the closet!!!!
MARLEE: SUH-PIZE!!!!
ME: Ugh! Lord, Marlee - did you fart?
MARLEE: Yep!
ME: Eeeew it smells horrible in here now!
MIA: Yeah, like gross rotten cheese or something!

Mia chose a book about ancient Egypt to read before bedtime (that's my girl!):
ME: When the pharoh died, they put him into this stone coffin called a sarcophagus and it was sooo heavy.
MIA: Know who else goes into coffins? Vampires! Maybe not gold ones though?

Mass Effect 3 came out today, and as you can tell, the men-folk are stoked:

The kids aren't quite ready for bed yet:
ME: Marlee, go to bed NOW!
MARLEE: But Mommy, you're so nice and I just want to talk to you while you pee!
ME: You just want to talk to me while I pee?
MARLEE: Yeah, you'we such a nice good guuurl when you'we peeing! I yuv you!

*****
Why do I do posts like this? To remind myself that I have a lot of fun every single day, even when I'm focused on the things that frustrate me. It makes me feel lucky to be able to look back and know that I've smiled and laughed with all of these people, and hopefully, they've enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

You only live once right, you can't live twice...