Thursday, October 10, 2013

No Tea For Me...

Tonight was the annual 'Room Parents Tea' at Mia's school and I attended for the first time ever.

Because I love my daughter (and having an excuse to leave work early a couple times a year), I've always signed up to be a room parent. Just a support parent though - never the head room parent because let's be honest, I'm kind of a clusterfuck and that's way too much responsibility for me!

Anyway, the tea was tonight and I thought I'd go and maybe get better acquainted with some of the other room moms for my girl's class. 

How did it go? Terribly...

As soon as I walked in, I realized that I was the only parent present for our class. I sat with the few friends that I had there and after a comfortable 5 minutes, we were separated because our kiddos aren't all in the same grade.

I moseyed on over to the right table, after awkwardly sitting with the wrong group (twice) and found a few familiar faces. Remember none of them have children in Mia's class! They were there happily planning their class parties. Me? I was sipping on some weak tea, looking through a handout of healthy party snacks.

Bored. Out. Of. My. Mind.

Mentally, I reminded myself that I'd attended so that I could get to know some of the other moms at school, and I began to make small talk. But I had to remind myself a few times:

1. No cussing at school. No cussing at school. NO CUSSING AT SCHOOL.
2. Don't say anything about 'Not having the time' to make fantastic homemade adorable treats from Pinterest like these ladies do because I work outside of the home. And I'm too lazy.
3. Do not attempt to say the names of their kids. You'll say the wrong name and offend someone. Don't do it.

And then, lo and behold, I offended someone on accident anyway because, duh, me...

MOM 1: I think I'll just make those dipped strawberries that look like ghosts!

MOM 2: Oh yum!

ME: Um ... can I make a recommendation on those?

MOM 1: ... What's that?

ME: Have you ever made those before? 

MOM 1: Dipped strawberries? Yes. I made them last year - don't you remember?

ME: You did? You DID, didn't you! 

(Honest to God I didn't remember though. I didn't remember her child being in Mia's class, and I can't even tell you what I took to last year's Halloween party, let alone what everyone else sent!)

MOM 1: Yes. What were you going to recommend?

ME: Well I was ... just going to say that you want to take your time with those. I made them a couple of years ago for a class party and I rushed making them... 

(Insert everyone looking at me quizzically waiting for the dramatic finale of this tale.)

ME: ...and when they were done they looked like a bunch of penises. And I sent them to school anyway. And they were delicious.

(Insert silent horrified looks from most of the other moms.)

MOM 1: Well... like I said - I've made them before. A lot of times actually.

ME: Oh... Congratulations then... Good job. You're probably a pro at this point.

MOM 1: (no words, just an icy stare)

Annnnnd about 5 minutes after that, I said "I'm out girls!" and all but ran for the door.

Why must I always be the inappropriate mom? I try really hard to just blend in but it never works out.

They looked like wieners, didn't they? Don't rush.