Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Yuppie Beer (or Peach Tea)

Turn a blind eye to those cookie crumbs, ladies and gents
Have you ever had one of these bad boys?

If you haven't, you're missing out! An Arizona peach tea really tastes like peach Kool Aid, but with more of a juice flavor and absolutely no tea flavor - and it's only a buck for this tall ass can!

The downfall to drinking an Arizona peach tea is that every single time I buy one for the drive home, I worry that other drivers will glance over and think I'm drinking a 40 oz of beer. Sure, it'd obviously be some yuppie beer with that peach and yellow checkered can, but I'm a woman in a Yukon so it's kind of plausible, right? Girly drinks, sometimes you just can't resist them.

As I'm driving down the highway, that familiar peach tea paranoia starts to settle in: What if a cop pulls me over and I'm drinking this huge can of tea? Am I driving too fast? Am I swerving? GOD DAMN IT IT'S NOT EVEN ALCOHOL!

So I begin to rationalize with myself as to why I won't get pulled over on suspicion of an open container: I barely go the speed limit - let alone above the speed limit. I drive a definite mom car and the back is filled with booster seats, Berenstain Bears books, and Matchbox cars. I'm 'rocking out' to The Lumineers, even - that's not exactly troublemaker music!

I change the station and to my delight, Kenny Loggins comes on. (Don't even try to say that you don't like the song from Caddyshack because everybody likes the song from Caddyshack!) Just as I get my best gopher dance moves in full force...

A TURKEY FLIES OUT OF THE WOODS AND ALMOST HITS MY CAR!

Yes, a turkey, and as I'm yelling out "Holy shit!" and swerving it comes to me that at this very moment I probably do appear to be driving around drunk as a skunk...