Tuesday, July 5, 2011

C'est la Vie

FANTASY MONDAY:
  1. Wake up fully energized before the alarm goes off. Tip toe out of bed as not to wake my precious family.
  2. Leave the house impeccably dressed, with lovely coffee & a healthy lunch in hand.
  3. Arrive at work 10 minutes early and dive in to a productive yet stress-free day.
  4. Eat healthy aforementioned lunch while reading a historical nonfiction on loan from the library.
  5. Finish afternoon tasks and get a jump start on work for Tuesday.
  6. Come home to find my sweet family simply ecstatic that Mommy's home. Big kiss from the Mister.
  7. Cook nutritious dinner that results in 'happy plates' for all diners, do supper dishes immediately after.
  8. Bathe beautiful babies, PJ them, tuck them into their beds with sweet kisses on their brows.
  9. Fold laundry, pay a few bills, party plan for August birthdays.
  10. Spend some grown up time with the Mister, fall asleep in each others' arms by 10PM.
REALITY MONDAY:
  1. Alarm goes off @ 5:30AM. Roll over and groan for Hubs to turn it off. Alarm continues. "Turn it off, PLEASE...". Alarm continues. Roll over. Careful not to bump the sleeping toddler splayed across the bed. Realize that Hubs is no longer in bed, but has been replaced by 6 year old daughter.
  2. Make a not-so-graceful exit from bed. Bump sleeping toddler "I get up? I need more choc-milk..." Groan. Shhh toddler back to sleep. Find Hubs sleeping in living room on chair. Leave him there.
  3. Start coffee. Favorite mug is clean! Spill coffee grounds on counter putting bag away. Shit!
  4. Look for outfit. Planned black pants? Not clean. Settle on too-short skirt and cardigan that are both resemble a crumbled paper bag. Spray with water & throw in dryer.
  5. Get in shower at 5:50AM. Hurriedly scrub off white paint from yesterday's big home improvement day. Get out of shower and grab clothes from dryer.
  6. Get dressed. Hate outfit. Search for something decent. Wake up sleeping toddler "I watch Bolt?!" Shit! Settle on too-short skirt with a different shirt, pantyhose, killer shoes that make the feet cry tears of agony. Jewelry box is one tangled, sparkly knot. Skipping accessories today...
  7. Skin is super broke out. Thank you, Missouri humidity. Bust out the big guns makeup. Not working, looks like cement with a little suntan colored paint over it. Toddler eats half a pot of lip gloss. It's apple flavored- FRUIT GROUP!
  8. Pour coffee, throw instant oatmeal into bag. Throw extra shoes into bag. Head for door. Forget phone. Head for door. Forgot to kiss Hubs. Head for door. Have to go to the bathroom. Kiss toddler who is coloring in Tinkerbell coloring book... with markers. Pray that toddler doesn't color on freshly painted walls. Leave for work!
  9. Drive to work, thankful gas tank is full. Realize it's Tuesday. Shit! Realize lunch was never packed. Shit shit! Realize brother is expecting lunch too. Shit shit shit!
  10. Clock in 15 minutes late. Boss gives reminder about REALLY busy morning. Oh yeah...knew there was something big going on today: TUESDAY.
  11. Work like crazy. Feet are dying. Pimples glaring. Stomach is rumbling the chorus to 'Sweet Caroline'. Keep on working because the stopping point is within sight.
  12. Finally break time! Smoke a glorious cigarette. Remember it's not the usual cigarettes, but 100s. Takes twice as long to smoke, but not willing to waste it. Look down & realize there's still white paint on left knee. Can't get it off because of stupid pantyhose. Try to scrape with fingernail. Get a run. Shit!
  13. Change out of killer heels and into flats. Someone comments "Didn't you have on heels earlier?" Admit defeat. 
  14. Work work work. Eat delicious pretzel/chocolate chip/caramel treat one of my buddies brought in from home. Mmmmmmm.... remember oatmeal in bag, toss into desk. Wash treat down with room temp coffee.
  15. Take an early lunch with my mama! Yea! She pays! Double yea! Lunch is a bacon cheeseburger and tater tots. Eat way too much, feel close to upchucking... Smoke cigarette. Too impatient to finish the entire thing. Stupid 100s. Remember unopened library book is due back next week.
  16. So sleepy from too much lunch. Need to wake up. Head to snack machine and buy M&Ms. Really want a popsicle. Vending machine doesn't sell popsicles, only burritos & Hot Pockets. Return to desk & sort candy by color. Enjoy the John Hiatt on my Pandora station. Work work work!
  17. Remember it's a 3 day work week and the next two days need heavy preparation. Off site work day on Wednesday. Meetings Thursday. Two reports need to be typed from last week. Shit!
  18. Get off work a little early. Stop at the store & pick up fruit. Almost buy a delicious quiche. Feel guilty about the price & put it back. Buy a Pepsi instead.
  19. Come home intent on surprising family with my early presence - nobody's inside. They're swimming and fighting over an inflatable inter tube. Con everyone into coming inside. Wailing ensues. Toddler who woke at 5:30AM? No nap. 
  20. Get super pissy. Hubs gently offers to let me nap. "What do you mean I'm in a bad mood? I'm in a great mood!" Take a glorious 2 hour nap. 
  21. Wake up to find Hubs bathing kids. Yes! 
  22. Hubs also fed kids! Yes yes! Left food out for me too? Awesome! Realize there are no clean forks due to yesterday's cookout. Grumble, start to wash a fork. Bicker with Hubs. Eh...
  23. Sit down to plate of delicious leftovers. Kids without towels come dripping over supper plate. Put plate down, get towels for soaked kids. Pick up fork, kids pounce on plate. Have a hissy fit. Hubs makes kids dessert. He's so nice!
  24. Watch Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Pray that once old age kicks in, genetics are kind like Shannon's and not like Gene's. Shhh reading 6 year old. 6 year old is so loud - adorable, smart, charming, and loud. Gene's crying at his father's grave. Hmm...deep.
  25. Flip through party supply catalog. Stress about time and money. Remember that payday is tomorrow! Remember phone bill needs to be paid. Eat a piece of chocolate cake. Forget about phone bill.
  26. Tuck kids into bed. Our bed. No snuggling with the Hubs tonight. Again. Give lots of kisses & snuggles. Lay with kids, giggling at Daddy being silly.
  27. Work a little trickery on the toddler. "Mommy has to go pee pee. I'll lay down with you in just a minute. Lay down..." Toddler falls asleep instantly. Yes!
  28. Continue drinking Pepsi from 5 hours ago. Smoke cigarette. Curse stupid 100s cigarettes. Thank God tomorrow is going to be the day to stop smoking.
  29. Half listen to Hubs as he talks about sunflower seeds. WTF? Where is this convo going? I don't even know. Just smile and nod. Occasionally say "Yeah..." Get caught not paying attention. Shit! Sunflower Seed 101 is over - Yea!
  30. 11:47PM. Might want to think about taking a shower & getting to bed. After another cigarette. Remember cigarette is a 100. Shit! Remember tomorrow is stop smoking day and there's only 13 minutes left of today. Today is TUESDAY, not Monday as initially believed.