My Funny Valentine

My funny Valentine 

Sweet comic Valentine

You make me smile with my heart...

I may or may not have said this before, but I'm not the most romantic woman in the world. 

In fact, I typically avoid romance like the plague because it makes me feel awkward as hell. After years of absolute domestic bliss together, the hubs finally gave up on romance - 2/14 goes down just like any other day, aside from the fact that he has to remember to send me flowers.

When the alarm went off this morning, my first thought was that it was Tuesday. My second thought was that it was Valentine's Day. I hurried to get my clothes together and throw them into the dryer because I don't iron, and then went in to wake up Mia and give her a few Valentine gifts before she went to school.

"Mia! Get up right now or you're going to get a spanking!" (FYI: Surprisingly that seems to be a really good line if you want the kiddos to hurry out of bed.) "Now get your behind into the living room so I can brush your hair! Fast!" And of course when she got to the living room, her Valentine surprises were waiting: pink stuffed puppy dog, box of chocolates, bouquet of white 'spider mouths' (spider mums). Mommy is such a trickster!

Once Big Sis was off to school, it was time for the big husband/wife exchange of Valentine cards. I found my card from Chris inside my purse. He's so sneaky, that man.

This is Chris's standard 'day off' outfit. Black socks and all!

I pulled my beloved's card from its inconspicuous Walmart bag on the sideboard and signed it quickly, leaving it on the kitchen table to be read when Chris woke up for the day.

Cartoon girl kind of resembles me. I have bigger boobs and smaller eyes though.

We each bought cards that talk about ourselves, rather than the one we love. Swoon!

When it was time to leave the house, I gave him a half smooch with the routine "Love ya! Have a good day!" Half way to the door, Casanova mumbles "Hap...Valentine...You find your card?" I told him yes that I loved it, gave him another quick peck, and headed to work.

One day out of each work week, I work in our company's main building. As of this week, that day is scheduled on Tuesdays and today's main priority revolved around attaching cards to 250+ carnations before passing them out to all of the amazing people that work for our company. I had lots of help, and I have to say that I absolutely love having a job that allows me to do things like that!

Around noon during my florist stint, I got a text message from Chris saying "HOPE YOUR HAVING A GOOD DAY WE ARE DOWN TO ONE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND HAVE YOU GOT YOUR FLOWERS YET". All mine, ladies. All mine. Who needs punctuation when you write words as beautiful as these?

About two minutes later I got another one - from one of the girls in the other office: "UR FLOWERS HAVE ARRIVED!!!" As in, the flowers the hubs had faithfully ordered to keep his butt out of the dog house had been delivered to the building I'm usually working in on Tuesdays. The building where my regular desk is, that also happens to house the company's retail space specializing in floral design/delivery and unique gifts... 

Big ole FTD box delivered for me? Brought in through the front door of the damn company florist? Hi, I'm Jen, Queen of Awkward Moments...

After an informative trip to the Arby's drive-thru ("Hey are you guys hiring? I've got experience, but I had to quit at the last place because I smoke pot when I'm not at work. I don't do it on the clock or anything though." - You, ma'am, have an EXCELLENT chance of being hired...at someplace other than our company!) I picked up the flowers with yet another thoughtful card. Thankfully, there were no hard feelings from the in-house florist. Chris is a man - it's always understandable.

Don't most couples reference a zombie-killing redneck on Valentines Day? I sure 'hoe' so...

Each year, I get lilies (because they're damn near impossible for me to kill within the first 24 hours). It takes a few days for the blooms to open, but they're worth the wait. Added bonus this year: red tulips!

The rest of the afternoon was pretty much a blur of activity - including a surprise visit from Granny, who thankfully still loves her children enough to deliver chocolate covered strawberries to us at work! After a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for our romantic Valentine supper, I came home to a semi-destroyed house and my happy little family.

Now, I'm going to sign off for the night. The kids are asleep. It's like their subconscious told them to go to sleep early tonight because it's one of the two nights of the year where I'm obligated to let Daddy grope me. 

Ugh...romance...

*****
I feel the need to point out that oddly enough, my Valentine's Day post seems to heavily reference The Walking Dead. If you're not watching it, you should be. If you don't, the walkers have won and that's not good for anyone.

Fergie & Jesus

Someone (maybe it was me...) hit the snooze button too many times this morning and woke up too late for Mia to catch the bus. Someone (definitely me this time) was kind enough to drive her to school after busting ass in the daily transformation that takes us from Flock of Seagulls to Insert Name of Band With Hair That's Better Than Flock of Seagulls.

After a quick stop at the gas station for the breakfast of champions - coffee & cigarettes for me, strawberry milk & breakfast pizza for her - we were rockin' down the highway on our way to the elementary school. When I say rockin', I mean rockin'.

You know that awkward moment when you pass someone on the road and they're obviously feeling the music? You glance over. They glance over. You either pretend not to laugh, or you feel embarrassed for them. They either do a drive-by serenade, or look away in shame. I'm that lady who looks you in the eye and never misses a beat in the song while giving you a thumbs up. "Hello there, fellow traveler! Let me vogue for you as the sun slowly rises..."

I'm not exaggerating. Not only did I vogue, I also did the swim, and the robot to this song. (Yes, I am the epitome of suburban motherhood, driving my Yukon while wearing a cardigan, doing those dance moves to that song. In my defense though, I don't know how to pop or lock.) Mia loved it so much I had to tell her to calm down before she shot strawberry milk out of her nose.

It's a short drive to the school. Maybe 3 songs worth of drive time would be my guess. Once the school was in our line of sight one of my all-time top jams came on. 

If the morning commute had a karaoke contest, I would've won the top prize today. I did my best Bowie impersonation, only to have Mia tell me as I pull up to the school "Mommy, stop singing. You're gonna give me nightmares."

I gave her the raised eyebrow and informed her that I had a voice that sounds like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. My awesome movie reference was completely lost on this genius 6 year old. If I'd said my singing abilities rank up there with Beethoven's composing abilities, maybe she would've giggled. Instead, I got an impatient eye roll. "Love ya, Mom. Bye!"

I happen to have a perfectly nice singing voice. THANKYOUVERYMUCH Mia!

Marlee, on the other hand, begged me later this afternoon to sing. "Yowda! Sing yowda!" when this one came on. How could I refuse? I spoil these kids sometimes.

ME: Hey Mar, do you like when Mommy sings?
MARLEE: Yup! You know all da words!
ME: Who does Mom sound like when she sings?
MARLEE: Tayyer Swif! Oh, and you sound yike Mommy too!
ME: Aw! Hey, do you think I sound like a cross between Fergie & Jesus, Boo?
MARLEE: Yet's not talk about dat...

What do you do that embarrasses  your loved ones? Tell me I'm not alone in my love for the Commuter Concert sessions.