Happy Campers

I'd like to make a confession about last night's blog piece: I almost didn't post it. 

The title was saved a few weeks ago when I came up with the idea, but even then, I had this bitchy inner voice that nagged "Sure, some might relate to the fact that your house is in shambles, but there will be more who actually clean their houses and fix things when they're broken. Those readers? They'll judge you, and they'll hate you." So I chickened out - and I almost chickened out again last night.

Then all of a sudden, it hit me that I really don't give a flying fuck if people are impressed with my housekeeping skills and I hit PUBLISH POST. Why should I even pretend that I enjoy doing something that has brought me nothing but misery since childhood? I hate to clean and I have the stained carpet to prove it, folks!

Seemingly, a lot of people feel the same way - or at least got a good laugh out of the lack of prioritization that goes on in our house. Thank you BlogHer!

And!!! If you follow this link, the ole blog is right there at the top. They even put this sweet bit of flair on it like an award. (Sidenote: Just now, thinking of this as an award I got to imagining what I'd say in my acceptance speech... but snapped out of it upon realizing my kids would definitely pull a Kanye and ruin it for me. Probably because they need bologna sandwiches or something.)

When I got home, I had another awesome surprise waiting as a direct result of last night's blog post.

One of these things is not like the other...

Chris decided to fix the silverware drawer. What a stud, right? He's so macho...

And then, to reward himself for his electric drill handiwork, he felt me up. I just stood there, eyes rolling in boredom. "Come on, babe! It takes all of the fun out of it when you don't fight back!" Spoken like a true pervert.

*****

The kids have a small tent. They got it for Christmas a few years ago from one of the great-aunts and they absolutely love it. Our tent is set up and taken down about 5 times each day as of late. Only problem with said tent? Someone always ends up crying after being in the tent for a while.

Isn't that like every God damn camping trip you've ever been on though? Hmm...OK, well it is for me.

Tonight, I had this brilliant plan to keep the kiddos occupied (detour them from their typical early evening knock down, drag-out) while I ate a sandwich: Why not let them each pack a bag of supplies to take on their upcoming tent adventure? 

Nothing in the house was off limits. We just told them to choose things that they thought they'd need if they went camping, and put it in their bags. And to please stop screaming at each other...

Miles: 1 blue plastic phone, 3 packets of soothing oatmeal bath treatment, 1 boot, and 3 pieces of cat food

Looks like Daddy's not the only fella in this house who's man-crushing on Bear Grylls. He's what outdoorsy types would refer to as a survivalist. The bare minimum - that's all Miles needs on a camping trip. And his thumb. He's my thumb sucker!

Marlee: 1 pair of gold sneakers, 1 Pampered Chef spatula thing, 5 crazy straws, 2 books, 1 ladybug mug, and a box filled with her big sister's makeup

Mar is my diva. Even if she's walking through a field of poison ivy, sista's going to be rocking the shit out of some gold shoes!

If she were older, I'd guess that she had the makings for a really awesome party in her Dora backpack. I remember a few float trips where I packed similar items...back in the old days, before I had kids and grew tiger stripes on my belly...

Mia: 1 blanket, 1 doll, 1 pillow pet, 1 canteen, 1 hair tie, 2 books, 1 sandwich box, 1 basket, and MOMMY'S makeup bag

True to her status as firstborn, Mia is the responsible child. Chickie packs the most practical items, even attempting to cram a little extra even though the bag is already overflowing. She packs just like her mama. I was bursting with pride!

MARLEE: I know! We can pack Minnie for da camp out!
MIA: Marlee, don't be dumb. I'm packing only needs, not wants. You should too.
MARLEE: Ok...Hey, how 'bout cookies?!
MIA: Good job, Mar Mar! We do need food!

Somehow, the cat ended up in a backpack anyway...

What did the kids do once they'd finished packing their camp out bags? Well...

They had a blast - that's what they did! Then bedtime arrived, and of course, so did the tears. The difference in their camping trip and the camping trips I've been on (besides beer)? For them, the tears start when it's time to come out of the tent for bedtime. For me, the tears come when it hits me that I'm sleeping in a God damn tent.

*****

Hey - who's checked out the AMAZING sponsors currently featured on High Heels & Dirty Dishes? 

Everyone, right? I surely hope so because these ladies are seriously talented. The only thing that I can make with my own two hands is a mess... If you haven't already done so, please click on the designers' ad boxes on the right side bar!

Tonight, I'd like to announce the very first giveaway on the ole blog, courtesy of Deb from Hoshii Designs! Score! (Score for you, not for me. I've decided to exclude myself from the giveaway just so that no one can say that I played favorites. Because I love you, and I'm a really nice person!)

The Rising Sun Wristlet by Hoshii Designs

 This guy here is made from 100% wool felt, with no applied post processing and sells for $40.00 online. 

And yes, though this super cute bag is classified as a wristlet or a clutch, I'm pretty sure he's male. How do I know? Durable on the outside, soft on the inside, and fits right in the palm of your hand. Booyah!

One winner will be selected via random number generator and announced on Wednesday night right here on the ole blog.

To enter the giveaway, simply leave a comment and finish this sentence:

"My idea of camping is ..."

Until then, check out the Hoshii Designs Facebook and Twitter pages for current promotions like limited time free shipping, and on Etsy to view newly listed items like the ones pictured below!

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

I have this fantasy where we win the lottery. We don't just win - we win big. Like an amount so large that it makes you feel dirty if you say it out loud.

In our new found baller status, we'd sell the house we currently live in and build our dream house. Sell it? Excuse me, give away to the person with the lowest standards.

Not that it's a dump or anything. It's just small and needs some TLC in spots - the less space you have to work with, the more apparent the bloodstains are...or something like that. Mr. & Mrs. Fix-It, we're not.

1. Repairs cost money and we don't always have the money to spare. Mommy enjoys fast food too often...
2. Some projects require a little knowledge on how to actually go about making the repairs. HGTV makes it look so much easier than it usually is.
3. We both work full time jobs with opposing schedules. Better to have both of us here on fix-it day, just in case someone needs to call 911.
4. Having 3 small children in a small house makes it tricky to give your undivided attention to anything other than 3 small children.
5. Any other excuse you can come up with.

I'll give you a tour and please, watch your step as you're probably going to step on at least one toy car during the tour.

Welcome! Don't remove your shoes, as that's obviously not customary in our house.

This is a section of carpet when you come in through the front door. Yep - it's absolutely disgusting. Honestly, we shampoo the carpets on a quarterly basis and they look really nice for about 2 weeks afterward. Then, the old stains creep back up because the padding underneath needs to be replaced. 

The rest of the carpet doesn't look this bad, but then again, most of the house has hardwood or butt ugly linoleum.

You'd think someone would touch that up. Nah, we'll just scoot the chair back in front.

The living room also features these bare spots all over from the million times we've scooted the furniture in attempts of keeping the light switch/electrical outlet/30lb mirror out of the kids' reach. It's our duty as parents to keep them safe!

Heading to the kitchen....

Sharpie Marker. Initially believed to be black liquid eyeliner.

You put markers in the cabinet, kids take them out. You put them somewhere up high, kids find something to climb on so they can reach. You throw all markers in the trash, your mother and the Hubs will just bring more home. It's a losing battle.

As if the wood paneling isn't bad enough on it's own.

Once upon a time, I wanted to hang up a piece of wood with hooks on it in attempts to stop losing my car keys. For reasons that I now can't remember, I decided to use screws instead of nails to hang the damn thing and the battery on the drill pooped out about 2 minutes in. 

Apparently it's a bad idea to try hammering a screw into wood paneling?

I meant to document the current state of the silverware drawer, but seem to have captured the missing counter trim as well.

When I bought the place, the cabinets were this melted-butter shade of yellow. My then husband, now referred to as Uncle Ty Ty, decided to repaint them a nice crisp white. The silverware drawer got dropped at some point and the front separated from the sides. It was painted and reattached - upside down.

The drawer front stayed in place (upside down) for a few years. Occasionally, it'd feel loose again and I'd hammer it back into place. The wood started stripping away last year though, and Chris decided to flip it back the way it's supposed to go. And now, well, you can see how that's working out...

I have no idea why my ceiling looks the color of nacho cheese in this pic. It's actually white.

The bathroom features a to-do list so long that it's embarrassing. I will say that this year's tax money will go to hiring a plumber and putting in a new floor. Sorry kids, looks like you're never going to Disneyland!

I've chosen to highlight the fact that the central air vent is missing. It fell out one night and whacked me in the shoulder as I was getting out of the shower. Current location for vent? Under the bathroom sink. Logically.

Come for the peeling paint, stay for the crooked curtain rod!

The girls' room really isn't too bad to be honest. Carpets are in good shape, windows seal up tightly, closet is large.

And then your eyes travel toward the ceiling... We have radiant heating (those ugly panels at the top of the wall) in every room. There are individual thermostats for each room, and when in use, they feel like the sun shining down on a perfect summer day. 

For some reason, heating the house has caused the paint to begin peeling over the last few years. Except for in the bathroom. The paint's peeling there too, but it's due to excess moisture. Chris fried that heater panel when he removed it to touch up the paint job, ironically.

Goodbye funeral parlor burgundy, hello simple white.

My bedroom is currently a work in progress. It's been "progressing" since September.

Mmm... best spot in the whole house

In August, I bought a nice pale green bed-in-a-bag set to replace the burgundy and gold stuff that we had. Within a few days, Marlee had spilled chocolate milk on it and I threw it into the washer. A few days later, it happened again, but this time there was a giant burn hole in the comforter. 

So, we have green and tan pillows, green and beige sheets, and whatever blankets aren't covered with chocolate milk. Right now, we're using separate twin-sized polka dot blankets. Romantic, eh?

Jackson Pollock, eat your heart out...

Someone (not me and not the kids) spilled paint in the garage. I honestly don't mind it that much because it makes me think of this, which is hilarious. (Skip to 4:45 for the paint scene)

Where once stood fencing, now stand big gaping holes in the ground.

Up until early fall, there was a small section of yard surrounded by chain link fencing. The fence had seen better days and we'd made several repairs to it since moving in. When we found a new home for the idiot dog, we took the fence down.

One eye sore gone, another one created. Story of my life.

"If you don't take better care of the things you have, you'll never get something nicer!" I feel like such a hypocrite when I say that sometimes...

What needs a little TLC at your house?