Priorities, Ladies, Priorities...

We're leaving for vacation on Monday, guys! Woo hoo!

Oh, just a week away from home with 9 kids, no big deal... Yes, I'm familiar with filling a hotel sink with ice to cool off your alcohol thank you very much! (Calm down, calm down - it's for medicinal purposes...)

If you're wondering if we're going to Branson again, you're absolutely right! White trash Vegas, baby!

Anywho! We were gathering up travel gear this morning when I over heard this little gem from Mia:

GRANNY: You taking your wallet, Sis?

MIA: Yep! It fits right in the purse Mommy got me!

GRANNY: What do you put in your wallet usually? It's empty.

MIA: (opening the wallet and pointing to various compartments) Oh well, I don't put an ID in there like you're supposed to - I put in a My Little Pony card instead. In here, I'll put my birthday money. Then here - in here I usually put some sequins. You know - just in case I need them.

GRANNY: Ah... yeah, I got ya...

See that? She's 9 and already knows that a smart woman always packs sequins "just in case".

I love her to pieces!

*****

PS: Free shipping on everything over at Bumblebean through June 3 and if you're planning a vacation, check out my latest expert collection for a few ideas!

Shrek'N'Soak

We moved into our house almost a year ago, and some of you might recall the big jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom was one of the things that we were most excited about.

You also might recall that the adults seldom use said tub because either Miles tries to drink the bath water or the dog jumps in for a swim...

The girls, though? The girls soak on a regular basis after hard days of attending third grade and playing Minecraft!

When I got my Netflix assignment for this month - musical movies - I had visions of turning on Grease at full volume and performing the movie in its entirety for my little family. You guys - I know the whole thing by heart! The dialogue! The song lyrics! The dances! Nobody was interested in that though... because my family doesn't appreciate how incredibly awesome Mom is...

Mia immediately requested Shrek The Musical, and I wasn't shocked at all by her choice. We were lucky enough see the show last year at KC's Coterie Theater and she absolutely loved it!

Circling back around to the big ole bathtub now: big ole bathtub has a great view of the TV in Daddy and Mommy's bedroom!

I spy a little boy hiding behind the fold out sofa - aka Marlee's 2nd bed

Ogres of all sizes, I present: the Shrek'N'Soak Sickening Spa Party:

What spa night is complete without a few products to make you feel completely pampered? I took a few facial scrubs, lotion, bubble bath, and other 'spa' necessities and made new labels for them with disgusting names. Ogres are gross, friends! 

To add to the ambiance, we made up some Shrek Spit to sip on and started the movie.

Clockwise from left: Wrinkly Face Gunk (face cream), Poison 4YaNailz (nail polish remover), Baby Ogre Poop (charcoal & sugar facial mask), Eau de Armpitz (eucalyptus aromatherapy spray), Shrek Snot (avacado & green clay facial mask), Foam Of The Mouth (bubble bath), Elbow Grease (body lotion), Vomit Polish (green nail polish), Eye Boogerz B-Gone (eye cream)

I'd planned on taking pictures of the girls with their 'Baby Ogre Poop' and 'Shrek Snot' facials, but didn't get the chance. Miles was keeping me VERY busy refilling his glass of Shrek Spit! The kid loves to drink spit and if you'd like to make some for your kiddos, I promise not to call child protective services on you!

Shrek Spit:

• Lemon-lime soda
• Coarse green decorator's sugar crystals
• Fine green decorator's sugar crystals
• Fancy glass
• Paper plate

Begin by pouring about a tablespoon of fine sugar onto the paper plate. Wet the rim of your fancy glass, then dip it into the sugar on the plate, smudging the rim until completely covered. Next take about a teaspoon of the coarse crystals and pour them into the fancy glass and top with the lemon-lime soda. Drink. That. Spit.

Your 'spit' will magically change from clear to green as the colored sugar dissolves!

This was an insanely easy way to turn watching a movie together into something special for the girls! Fingers crossed that one day they'll pamper me the way I pamper them - hold the spit and eye boogers!

I Maury'd My Son Tonight

It's been a while since I've done the mom thing and talked about Miles's potty training progress:

• He does really well for the most part, but he's VERY picky about choosing his own underwear!
• Granny let him pee outside last week and it was amusing until he tried to poop in the back yard!
• If I had a quarter for each time I've heard him say "Yook how big my weeeeen-a is", I'd be able to retire!

The low point of this whole potty training thing, is the pooping thing. He does use the toilet usually, but there are times when he just does his business in the pull up instead... and I'm not going to lie - I get about 10 kinds of pissy when he does that!

Seriously, it's so frustrating! People without kids: you will never understand the frustration of changing a crappy diaper until you think your kid's past the point of crapping in diapers.

MILES: Mommmmmeeeeeeee!!!! Me need you!

(At this point I get to his bedroom and find the door closed - a tell tale sign that he's done something he doesn't want me to know about.)

ME: Why's the door closed? Why's your TV off? 

MILES: Um... me not know...

ME: Why are you hiding in the corner? DID YOU POOP, MILES?

MILES: No! No, me not poop!

ME: Come here then - let me check... 

(Of course he's done it so we go to the bathroom to clean up.)

ME: Miles - ew! You need to poop on the potty and not in your pants!

MILES: Me not! Me not poop in mine puh-yup!

ME: You sure about that?

MILES: Me not do'yit.

ME: Really? Well the results are in and your pull up determined that was a lie...

(Blank stare. This is what happens when your kids watch cartoons all day - no appreciation for awesome pop culture references.)

*****

Thank you to everyone who left a comment on the last post! Those comments put you in the running for a free 3 month subscription to Netflix - and as promised, I chose a winner tonight via Random.org: 

Jessica Annicchiarico, please email me (jennifer.palis (at) gmail.com) by May 9, 2014 to claim your prize!