...And Then He Wiped His Butt On My Dress

We are not a family who rushes in to potty training. With each of the kids, we've bought them a potty seat and a package of big kid undies around their second birthday and then just waited until they showed the signs of being ready to lose the diapers.

With Miles, it's been no different than it was with the girls. The green and white chair sits in the bathroom collecting dust and his Spongebob underwear are pulled out on occasion to be worn over the diaper.

It's fine though - every once in a while he decides that he wants to pee in the potty. Something about the ecstatic praise I'm sure!

Imagine my excitement earlier when he came into the bathroom announcing "Poo! Poo, Mama!" and then proceeded to get out the potty chair and remove every stitch of clothing from the waist down. He then sat down, a hand on each knee and did his business! Yesssss! "What a big boy, Miles! Good boy! Yea!"

Big Boy was pretty darn proud of himself too... until he turned around and got a look at his own poop. "Yuck! Eeeew! Yuck!" Complete with grossed out faces that adorable toddlers make, and then angry faces at my laughter.

I cleaned him up and asked him to go grab a clean diaper. Could it be this easy with a boy? Should I be so lucky? Oh, no. Absolutely not.

Instead of a diaper, he carries back a dress from the overflowing basket of clean clothes in my room. Still proud and looking slightly ornery, he proceeds to put the dress in his mouth, chewing on the beaded neckline. "No! NO! Miles don't chew on my dress! Stop! Noooooo!!!!!"

And stop, he did. He stopped chewing on the dress, turned around with that cute little bare baby butt pointed right at me, and began to rub my cute dress right up his crack. 

Just one more reason why we will never have nice things.

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

Few things in life rival the feeling of contentment a mama gets when she wakes up to a clean house and obedient children. That double whammy is so rare in our house, I felt the need to shout it from the mountaintops today. "Can I have your attention please! There are no dishes to be done here and my kids aren't plotting each other's demise! We're living the dream today at the Palis house!"

Eating Mama's breakfast with two spoons. Who needs
Lucky Charms when you can have oatmeal like an old man?

Mornings like this make me realize just how much I have to be thankful about. My life is chaotic and imperfect, but in the most rewarding ways. 

Have a great weekend, friends!

(Oh, and I realize the slight irony in titling this post Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting and then writing about a harmonious morning. To be honest, I knew there was a pretty successful album titled 'Early Morning something something', and that sounded pretty good. Well, then once I got to Googling it, I remembered it was Kid Rock's Early Morning STONED PIMP and I didn't feel like that was quite the vibe I was going for. We'll stick with Sir Elton. Surely someone around here will get punched or kicked before bedtime.)

Vacation By Numbers

You know how you inherit certain skills from your parents? Mom's calculation proficiency went straight to Jimmy, while I lucked out. I landed the creative gene (a little gift from the Old Man) and enjoy a good project. 

Despite being a number flunky, I enjoy a good list of statistics just as much as the next busybody. For that reason, I'm going to break my little vacation down for you all into simple numbers. 

5 (boxes) hauled to the trash from the garage yesterday.

911 (call) made Monday when I thought someone was robbing the new neighbor's house... it was the new neighbor, oops...

2 (A.M.) was when Chris started shampooing the carpet last night.

18 (pairs) fit on the shoe rack I installed on Sunday. It seems I need more shoe racks.

7 (indecent exposures) involving Miles looking for a phone in my bra. Thanks, Granny, for that gem...

2 (handfuls) of sand were brought inside the girls' bedroom last night by Marlee.

4 (sets of bowels) regretted eating Burger King for lunch yesterday. 

9 (months) my camera charger was missing. I found it and I'm so happy I could do (er, try) a cartweel!

5 (quarters), 1 (dime), 7 (nickels), 2 (pennies) found when we moved the couch to vacuum. And a cashew.

1 (time) Chris decided to body slam me on the trampoline and put his balls on my face. Not. Funny. At. All.

12 (hours) passed before the kids tore a hole in the sheets on their new hand-me-down bunk beds.

8 (bags) of clothes in the back of the MomMobile ready to be donated to someone else.

125 (percent) enlargement was used when tracing each kiddo's photo silhouette from the computer to paper.

4 (months) after the trampoline was assembled, we got around to putting the safety enclosure together.

3 (conversations) took place regarding me wanting a police scanner for my birthday. 

159.99 (dollars) is how much a pull down staircase ala Christmas Vacation would cost for our attic.

1 (false) UFO sighting made by Mia. "Mom I see a UFO! See it blinking?" - her. "Sis that's an airplane... Don't freak me out like that!" - me.

13 (loads) of laundry waiting for me to wash them... *whistles guiltily*

Every minute of the last few days has been absolutely worth it. Good for the family, good for the house, and way good for my soul. I do believe I'll be doing this again someday.

(P.S. - Apparently, I cuss a lot less when I'm on vacation too. Who'da thunk it?!)

S Is For Slow Cooker

Friends, I have a big announcement to make: I'm on vacation!

Those 3 little words mean everything to me, and nothing to you probably, but they needed to be said. I  have absolutely no plans for the next 5 days aside from wearing clothes that don't match and indulging in fashion magazines and reruns of "The Hills" on Netflix. Oh bliss, I heart thee!

In other news...

It's been raining here for the last 24 hours. I love a good rainy fall day, but doesn't every Midwesterner? Hey there September, I've been waiting (impatiently) for your arrival!

When it's rainy, only comfort food will do. Comfort food that you toss into the slow cooker first thing in the morning so that you're freed up to be lazy for the rest of the day. I decided that today was a chicken and rice kind of day (I buy rice like I'm stocking up for the Zombie Apocalypse. Maybe I am. Don't judge me!). 

I don't think I've ever done a recipe on the ole blog, so I figured what the hey. 

*DISCLAIMERS:

1. I use generic brands out the wazoo. For the most part, if you know how to add spices to the cheap stuff, there's absolutely zero difference. Go on and save that money!
2. Food photos are taken with my phone. There's no flash on it - and I'm a terrible photographer. If you're hoping for beautiful culinary photography...um... no.
3. I don't measure anything like you're supposed to. I've cooked enough at this point that I know when I'm going to want more pepper or garlic, and when I'm going to omit the salt. Do what feels right when you make it. I know that not measuring drives some people crazy, so please accept this disclaimer as my apology!
4. As soon as I finished putting everything into the pot, Chris text and asked if I wanted to go on a date tonight. I politely turned him down stating I'd just prepared this meal in the slow cooker. You guys, I basically traded a date so that you could get this recipe. 

Slow Cooker Chicken and Rice

2.5 lbs chicken (I used leg quarters, bone-in, with the skin on)

2 cups uncooked white long grain rice

1 cup water

1 10.5 oz can cream of chicken soup

1 10.5 oz can chicken gravy

1 cup French fried onions

Alexander's Bread Dip Seasonings 'Sicilian Blend' (dried roasted garlic, salt, onion, bell pepper, tomato), to taste (Or whatever blend of seasonings you want to use)

A palm full of ground black pepper

I didn't wipe the counter before I took a pic. Keepin' it real, ya'll!

 This recipe is so easy...You're welcome in advance! 

Start off by dumping the rice and the French fried onions into the slow cooker, giving it a little stir so that the onions will help flavor the rice. Then add in your water.

Next place your chicken directly on top of the rice and onions. My chicken was frozen rock-solid and didn't want to fit into the pot. Naturally, I got out a giant knife and hacked the crap out of it like I was dismembering a cadaver... Anyway... 

Once your chicken all fits in the slow cooker, pour the can of cream of chicken (it's up to you whether you dilute the CoC, I don't) and the can of gravy over the top of it.

After you've coated the chicken nicely, you'll add in the spices. I don't measure this at all. I coat it all over and I coat it thickly as if it were Shake 'n Bake. More spice = more flavor!

When you're satisfied with your amount of spice, add in a hand full of pepper and distribute all around the slow cooker. In my opinion, chicken and rice should be peppery. That's how my mama made it, that's how it has to be!

After you've added your pepper, plop the lid on that baby and find something unproductive to occupy your time while it cooks. For frozen chicken like mine, cook on HIGH for 4-5 hours. If you're responsible enough to have your chicken thawed beforehand, cook on LOW for 6-8 hours.

Served with sweet potatoes and garlic-cheese biscuits. My photos are horrible.

Bon Appetit! Enjoy the weekend, everyone!